What Does Dean Want?
by rachangeleyes
Summary: Set in Season 8. Dean and Cas know about the angel tablet and Cas asks Dean what he wants. Dean/Cas.


"An angel tablet?"

"Yes."

"So, what? What's on it?"

"How to shut the gates of Heaven."

Dean stood there and regarded the angel's matter-of-fact statement. It was like it wasn't a big deal to him!

"So you'll be…" Dean stopped and thought. The demon tablet meant that none of them could get through to Earth anymore. So the angel tablet… Oh. "You're… You're… going to go?"

Castiel stood in the middle of the motel room and looked down to the floor.

"I don't know."

Dean frowned. Surely it wouldn't be a question for Cas. He was an angel. He should go. What was keeping him?

"How do you feel, Dean?"

The hunter looked over at the angel and thought again. Obviously he didn't like the idea and something was stirring up in his stomach. He felt sick. Of course he didn't want Cas to go but how could he say that? Running his hands through his hair, he aimlessly walked around the small room until he was closer to him.

"I…" Dean trailed off. "Can you not… I don't know… visit?" he asked, a little too desperately.

Cas looked up at the hunter. He knew his face was a mask of panic and he knew the angel could see it too.

"I asked you how you feel, Dean," Cas repeated calmly, stepping closer.

Dean turned away. He couldn't believe this. After everything. Cas had died multiple times for him. He'd stayed in Purgatory. Why did he have to be faced with losing him again?

"I feel… sick, okay?" he rushed out. Nobody had ever cared about how Dean felt. Not enough to ask him outright like Cas did. "Why… You can't… Can you not visit? Just… find a way through?" His thoughts were rushing around his head. He couldn't focus.

"To shut the gates of Heaven is a permanent action. No angels will pass through to Earth if it is completed."

Dean's hands came up to his face. He didn't know what to do.

"What do you want, Dean?"

"I…" He didn't know. "I… you should go. You're an angel. You belong in Heaven. It's what you want."

Castiel nodded and then vanished, leaving the hunter alone in the room. Once Dean noticed, he sank down onto the bed and broke.

…

Sam was still out that evening. He'd probably met a girl. Dean wasn't in the mood, he never was recently. He reached under the pillow for his gun when he noticed it wasn't there.

"Damn it," he cursed, sitting up from the bed.

He rubbed his eyes and looked at himself in the mirror across the room. His eyes were red and bloodshot. Picking himself up, he washed his face and made for the door. Then he heard a flutter of wings behind him. Cas appeared and, in a split second, he had hold of Dean's shoulder and threw him against the door with his other arm restraining him across his chest.

"Cas, what the hell?" he spluttered.

"You didn't answer my question, Dean," he said, still pinning to the door. "What do you want?"

Dean looked at the angel. There was something in his eyes which suggested to the hunter that he should probably just answer.

"You want to be in Heaven, Cas," he forced out, "so you should go."

"That isn't what _you _want, Dean. Just answer my question and think about yourself and your own feelings."

Dean's shoulders fell and he felt defeated. "You, okay?" He whispered it as though he was afraid of anyone else hearing. "I want you here. All the time. That's what I want. But-"

"That's fine," Castiel interrupted. "I will be."

He stepped back and removed himself from Dean.

"Hang on, Cas. Hey," he snapped, dragging the angel back by his trench coat. "How is that going to work? You'll be cut off fr-"

"From Heaven, yes," Castiel said, nodding once.

"So you'll-"

"Fall."

Dean reeled at the word and his hand dropped form the trench coat. "Cas, you can't do that. Not for me."

The angel stared at him.

"I would hate to never see you again, Dean. I would... I would sooner fall." Castiel noticed the shock on his face. "This is what I want. I just needed to see that my want wouldn't go wasted."

Unable to stop himself, Dean grabbed the trench coat and pulled him in. His forehead fell on the angel's shoulder and his hand trailed up into the dark raven hair, the other around his shoulders. Arms came up and pulled Dean in around his waist.

"I didn't think-"

"Good things do happen, Dean."

Dean pulled back and looked at the angel. His hand was still threaded through his hair so, holding it there, he kissed him. It was sudden and quick but Castiel didn't protest. His hands found Dean's face and held him there. They were soft and Dean didn't dare break the kiss until he murmured "thanks, Cas."


End file.
